When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need moral support for this bender
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't turn off my feet"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
