saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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