What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
