I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
