I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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