week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
