best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
