good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
