I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
