I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
