Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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