Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
