so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize