dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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