Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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