Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
