So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
