just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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