tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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