i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
