I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
