He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
