I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
