wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
