Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
