I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its liver damage thursday
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