i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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