He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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