she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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