Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
