just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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