She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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