I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
