Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
