I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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