and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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