dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
