Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
