I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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