Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
