yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
