Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
time to smoke my breakfast
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
