What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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