If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize