Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
