my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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