i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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