hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
