well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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