he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
