You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Farmville is her only friend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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