kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
