I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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