I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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