Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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