That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
