We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
