He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Who died my cat blue again?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
