I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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