Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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