So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
