I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
