On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
