Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
