My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize