He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
