So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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