At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
