Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
