There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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