Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
