1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
