who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
