Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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