he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
