Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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