its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
