dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
