If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
