oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
