and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
