drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
